He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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