I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
