last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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