Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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