i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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