no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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