My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet