i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
