Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.