chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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