yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?