not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This toilet bowl is my home.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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