yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
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She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I wear drunk well.
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