We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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