Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
