There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
