I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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