I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
