ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
