dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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