ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
