i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
