I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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