I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
