my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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