I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
