I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
