I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
