I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
