no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
