it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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