we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
