Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
