Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
