Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
