So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
