you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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