in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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