Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
vagina is talking i cant
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
