it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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