Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are the jesus of drinking
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
