wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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