Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
