even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
