We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
