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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
