note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
