My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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