Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
