she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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