I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
