I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
