8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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