TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
