she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
