but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
