I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
