some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
