I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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