Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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