No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
