It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
