She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
