Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
