this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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