you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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