I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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