I want to have your abortion
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
