Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
