Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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