apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
